Mood Indigo
by Dark Manifest
Summary: Part of the 'Don't Make Me Blue' episode of Wolf's Rain from the point of view of the half wolf herself. Who knew it was this hard being a wolf?


**All disclaimers apply.**

_You ain't been blue_

_Till you've had that mood indigo..._

**Duke Ellington**

* * *

I guess I should have known better. Yeah, I should have. Looking back on it now, I knew those humans were bad news to begin with. But I had nowhere else to go. I figured if I had to take my chances anywhere, I might as well take them with the only sort of people I knew.

The first guy I went to smelled rank like Pops did when he drank that really godawful stuff, cheap gut-rot they sell to people who like flirting with death, or don't have enough money to afford anything better. One time I got a good whiff of a cup of it - it nearly knocked me out and I spent about five minutes tossing my head around and snorting like I was crazy, trying to get rid of the burning stench. No wonder Pops was dead to the world when he knocked that stuff back, I was surprised he wasn't dead period.

Why humans do these things to themselves, I don't know. I hurt as much as he did when I thought about them - our family, our pack - but I didn't want to die a slow death. That's why we hunted. That's why we fought back.

But sometimes, at night in some nameless hotel, he would get so drunk I could smell salt and grief all over him, and I would lick his hand, trying to make the pain stop as best I could.

Not the time to be thinking about this. Not now.

Anyway, when I met the human who said he could help me find work, I wondered if he wasn't a corpse just pretending to be alive. He smelled like the entire contents of a bar and his eyes were beyond bloodshot, they were more red than white. He probably wasn't as old as Pops, but all the drinking made him look twice that. But he was a broker and seemed decent enough.

I explained to him that I was looking for work. I told him I didn't mind hard labor - of course not, all I've got to offer is hard labor - and that I needed a place to stay, too.

I don't know what I thought he could find for me. I didn't know what I was looking for. All I knew was that I needed to support myself somehow. I hadn't eaten anything substantial - not unless you count trash and begged scraps - for nearly a week, and I still didn't have a safe place to sleep. The sidewalk was getting old. I needed to do something until I could find Pops again. If I ever got the guts to try.

The old man gave me an address to go to where he said they were always looking for work, especially from "young women like yourself."

That should have been my hint right there, but what can I say, I was stupid.

I went there the next morning. It was shabby-looking, but no worse than any other place in that town, so I shrugged and glanced down at myself to make sure the illusion was in place - it wasn't hard to maintain, but I had to make a conscious effort or it would melt away. Dark clothes, dark skin, everything was where it was supposed to be. It was hard to get used to, but I would adjust.

That done, I opened the door and went in.

The smell hit me like a sack of bricks to the face, and I nearly gagged on it.

I'd been to places like this before, places where human females displayed themselves to males for money. Pops called them "strip bars". He never actually went in, but he'd had some choice words for the guys who did. I could see why. The place was dark, empty except for a few men clustered at the bar, and relatively clean, but no amount of scrubbing could hide the thick scent of sweat, alcohol, and male musk and arousal from my nose. And somewhere, nearer the doors that lead to the back, I caught the faint smell of that lust fulfilled.

I sniffed in disgust. God, did the old guy actually send me here to get work? What a great way to ruin an already bad week.

I was about to make a quick exit, but the men at the bar had noticed me and got to their feet. Their smell wasn't much better than the bar, and I laid back my ears. There were three of them. One, short and squat with a flat nose, reeked of fresh blood. There was none on him to actually see, but I can smell it for days after it's been spilled, and he had spilled a lot. Another smelled like drugs - Pops hadn't taken them so I couldn't say what kind, but there was enough to make me wonder how he was standing upright.

The third, wearing a white suit and giving me a creepy smile, just smelled evil. I can't say exactly why . . . but it was a scent I've caught before and I knew it enough to want to tuck my tail between my legs.

All three took a good look at me and leered.

Oh, no. Oh, hell, no.

"You must be that girl we were expecting. The one looking for work," the one dressed in white said in what he probably thought was an enticing voice, but made my fur stand on end. "We'll take you to 'work.' Make real good use of you, too."

The other two snickered like obediant dogs.

I lifted my lip in a snarl. It translated in pretty much the same way in human form as in wolf. "I think," I said slowly, "that I'll try somewhere else. Thanks anyway."

"Now, wait a minute," the drugged out one began, "you can't just show up here and not even take a tour of the place. Come on, you might like it."

And I might eat dog shit, but I don't find it very likely, I thought, but I decided it would be smarter to just get out of there before they got anymore ideas.

I turned, slammed open the door, and ran out into the cold morning air. I heard them yelling behind me, but I didn't stop. Unfortunately, I didn't get very far, coming to a dead end almost immediately, nothing but brick wall and three lewd humans on my heels.

Great. Just perfect.

I turned to face my hunters. They grinned at me like I was fresh meat. It was all I could do not to break my illusion and give each one of them an rabid dog experience they would never forget. But I couldn't let them find me out - and if I jumped them, I was going to kill them, I knew it. No. Better to escape.

"What's the matter, baby?" the squashed-nosed one asked, taking a step closer. "I thought you wanted work?"

My lip curled. "As if I'd take a job to please some filthy human," I spat.

This didn't seem to matter much to them, having me trapped as they did, so they just smirked at me and drew in closer.

The junkie was nearest. "We paid the broker good money for you," he said coldly, stepping even closer. I stepped back, and my foot hit the wall behind me. "Now be a good girl . . ." He reached out a hand for me.

Idiot. He might as well have given me an invitation. If I had been a dog, he would have known better.

Far faster than he could pull back, I lunged forward and sank my teeth into his wrist. He let loose with a loud scream and tried to yank his hand away, and I just bit down harder, nearing the bone. The other two came at me with some intent to get me off, but I was already swinging around, using my hold on the junkie's arm to bring him between their blows and me. In the next instant, I violently shoved him right into his buddies and took off.

I made it out of that alley with the taste of chemical-laden blood in my mouth and kept running, spitting all the way. God, but that guy tasted like damn factory.

I hate running away. Prey runs, and I'm no one's prey, not even the wolves I hunt - or used to hunt. But I had no choice. The humans didn't have guns, and Pops always told me, if I can run away, do it. He hated it when I so much as snarled at a human, even when cops were on his ass or if he got into a fight in a bar and I wanted to come to his defense. Human lives were supposed to be spared - even scum like these, I guess.

I was so busy trying to figure out what I was going to do now and trying to get rid of that disgusting taste that I almost missed it. But I stopped just in time, and, nearly tripping over my own feet, I backtracked to a small side street on the left.

Yeah, there was no mistaking it: Wolf musk. Really recent, they came by this way only an hour or so ago. Maybe four or five, a small pack, all almost fully grown, all males, all recently wounded. Three of them I had smelled somewhere before, and I wasn't sure where. But one of them had left a drop of blood in the dirt, and I knew that blood very well.

That big, scarred gray . . . the gray, the red, and the white, all from that city Pops and I had been in almost two months ago.

What the hell were the chances?

Maybe they would let a dog die, I thought, but a wolf . . .

My pursuers were catching up with me. I picked up and started running again, but now following the scent path left behind by the pack. If humans were going to start doing this to me now that I was no longer a dog, maybe the wolves would give me a hand for the same reason. It was a cheap hope, but it wasn't like I had anything better to cling to.

The scent grew ever more powerful and my finely-honed aversion to its particular tang made my mouth water for the taste of blood. For a second, I felt like I was a dog again, on the hot trail of a wolf that was soon going to face my fangs, one-on-one, kill or be killed. Life had been incredibly simple before now - smell a wolf, find the wolf, kill the wolf, good dog.

But Pops wasn't with me anymore. I was on my own.

I tore around the final corner like a creature out of hell, raking my nails through the dirt for purchase and propelling myself into the enclosure, raising dust clouds everywhere. I skidded to a dead halt and stood there, panting slightly, legs splayed and my eyes narrowed, waiting to see what was going to happen now, whether I was going to be welcomed or torn apart.

The four males stared at me as if I had nine heads from where they were dejectedly arranged over the junk in the enclosure. They didn't look either angry or thrilled to see me, just surprised as hell, not to mention pretty beat up and worn out, as if they had just gotten back from a fight of their own.

But I saw comprehension dawn in the eyes of the gray and the white. Yes, they remembered.

Then one of them, the only one I didn't know, who was stocky with light brown, bristly fur and roan eyes, leaned forward and gave me the exact sort of look I hadn't been expecting. "Wow, what a babe," he breathed.

Well. I didn't quite know what to do with that.

But I didn't have to think about it long, because that was when the dumbshit triplets finally caught up to me and I had to turn to face them. This was just brilliant. Wolves at my back and insane humans at my front - boy, it hadn't taken me long to completely mess up. Maybe I've been on the leash for too long if my head had gotten this soft.

One of the humans - the leader, apparently, of his little pack of degenerates, the one who smelled like death on two legs - grinned at me unpleasently. "Well, well, looks like she has friends."

I pulled back and waited for one of the wolves to claim they didn't know me and wish the humans good luck in beating me into the ground. Apparently, though, I _did_ have friends, because the brown male was suddenly in front of me, ears forward in challenge.

"Yeah, and what's it to you?" he demanded.

I stared at his back in confusion, then turned my attention back to the humans. I didn't know what was driving him, and I didn't care. I was due for a break.

"Hand over the girl," the human leader ordered.

The brown didn't move. "And why should we?"

"She's our merchandise."

I bit back a snarl. That arrogant piece of - it was all I could do not to leap around the brown and take my chances with just my fangs, but then the leader signaled to his group and they started spreading out. Making sure we couldn't get away.

"You boys aren't from here, are you?" he said almost conversationally.

I ignored him and kept my eyes on the other two. Both reached inside of their clothing for weapons. The short one came up with a long metal pipe; the other, something similiar, only heavier. No guns. My lip twitched with small amusement. Without a firearm, they wouldn't have a chance against a pack. Good thing they were too stupid to know it.

The ensuing battle wasn't really a battle at all; more like a pitiful skirmish. As tired-looking as the wolves were, they were in a fighting mood - aggression practically dripped off them - and when the humans started the fight, they dove into it eagerly. The slender red stayed out of harm's way, but the gray, the white, and the brown wolves took down the humans as easily as if they were children. I didn't have to do a thing but watch like a dumb puppy.

In moments, each fighting male had a terrified human pinned beneath their paws. They dropped their illusion so that the men knew exactly what they were dealing with: three powerful wolves, all bared fangs, raised ruffs, and glowing eyes.

The one who had the white on him started babbling some nonsense in utter panic, then screamed like a bitch with her tail on fire when the white lunged forward and snapped his jaws shut an inch away from the human's face. The human pissed himself. I could smell it.

But no one was killed. The wolves opted instead to let them live, and run for less hostile ground. The brown gave me a look that told me I better follow. I wasn't exactly protesting.

With the sound of the human's screams ringing in my head behind me, I tailed the pack to and beyond the outskirts of the city. I was exhausted, hungry, scandalized, furious, and just a little less fond of the hands that used to feed me.

Damn. Who knew it was this much trouble being a wolf?

* * *

So here I am, in the last place I ever imagined I would be: Travelling with a pack of male wolves I know almost nothing about, to look for a strange girl I know even less about, hoping to end up in a place none of us even know where to find. It's all one big mess, and I'm in the middle of it, hoping it starts making sense eventually.

Everything is different now. I don't know if I can ever go back to Pops, being what I am. Maybe it would be simple to just abandon the human illusion permanently and just pretend it never happened, that that sweet-smelling girl never opened my mind in ways I hadn't known possible. Go back to being an obediant, if slightly strange, dog.

But it isn't that easy. I know it isn't, and I can't pretend otherwise. I know why I followed the scent of these wolves, and it wasn't just to save my tail. I'd wanted to find to find others like me, to find . . . something. I'm not sure what. I'm not stupid enough to believe they'd welcome me with open arms after what I tried to do to them. But where else am I going to go?

The four of them don't really know what to make of me. The scarred one - they call him Tsume, I think - keeps shooting me these ominous glances, as if he's playing with the idea of ripping me up while I sleep. I'm tired, bone-tired, really, but it might be smarter to stay up and chase my tail than try to rest surrounded by four wolves, three of them my weight or more. I think I could take any of them one on one, especially the kid - what is he, a year old, still half a puppy - but if they all decided I would be more useful as a meal, I'd be dinner.

I think I'll be alright, though. Hige seems to think my tail is too cute to eat.

The thought makes me swallow a laugh. He's sending me sideways glances about as much as Tsume is, but there isn't anything ominous about it. I still don't know what to do with that. It isn't as if between hunting wolves and keeping Pops alive I've had time for anything else, especially not males. Most dogs never liked me anyway. I didn't know it then, but I figure they sensed the wolf in my blood.

But still, whatever ulterior motives he has, Hige's the best reception I've gotten from anyone since Pops and I were split, so I guess I'll be happy with it.

Out of all of them, he seems the most human. I don't want a pack - hardly, the smell of wolf is driving me insane - but it wouldn't be so bad to have a companion, at least until I figure out what I'm going to do. And he didn't seem so resistant to the idea of taking off with some half-wolf he hardly knows. He made me laugh, and I could live with the wolf smell combined with that scent of his, something like fresh grass and sawdust, I think.

Damn. Doesn't that gray _ever_ sleep? I'm getting sick of him burning holes in the back of my neck.

"You must be more scared of me than I thought if you can't even take your eyes off me for one second," I say with more bite than I first intended, turning my head to look at him.

He lifts one lip in a slight snarl that makes me bristle. "I don't believe in keeping my enemies close. I prefer them dead."

"Get over it. I'm not going to do anything to you." Although I might if you don't quit postering.

"And why should I believe that? Just keep your distance, _Blue_."

The way he says my name, as if it tastes like rotting meat in his mouth, is enough to make my fur stand on end. I'm going to eat his liver -

"Ignore him," a voice to my left suddently speaks up. Hige. He plops down next to me and offers a sheepish grin, as if making excuses for an embarassing relative. "He acts like that with everyone. It's probably because he doesn't get enough fiber in his diet."

I smile and the gray snarls outright, now. "I could probably fix that by eating you, Porky -"

"Quit it." This voice comes from the white wolf, lying near the overhanging stone. He lifts his head to glance at all of us with cold, level eyes. "Let's just get some sleep. We've got a long way to go tomorrow and none of this is helping, anyway."

Rolling his eyes, the gray turns over, showing me his back, and grumbles under his breath about the stupidity of picking up strays from every which where and how it was going to get them all killed.

The white curls back up to go to sleep, and the slender russet-furred one never stirs at all, sleeping near the gray. Eventually, it's just me and Hige still wide awake, surrounded by soft snores and snuffles and the wind over the empty land. I sit back against the stone behind me, shifting my ears back and forth in irritation. Boy, do I know how to pick 'em.

"So you're coming with us?" Hige asks.

I close my eyes and shrug. "I don't know. I don't have anywhere else. One direction is as good as any other."

I probably sound as if my world's come to an end - and it has - because Hige immediately does what he did earlier, trying to cheer me up. "Well, great! We need some women around here, make things interesting. Being with guys all the time can be nerve-wracking. I always prefer the delicate presence of a lady."

A snort from the darkness. "Some lady."

"Aren't you asleep, yet?"

"I will be as soon as the two of you _shut up_."

Hige seems as if he's ready to challenge that, but I give him a nudge that makes him pause. "Let it go. We should sleep anyway."

He makes a vaguely insulting sound deep in his throat, and then I feel him settle down near me. I open one eye to see just _how_ near - I don't want to wake up to a nose buried in my ruff. Biting him would not be a good way to start off any sort of friendship. He's pretty close, but not too close, so I relax and try to get some rest.

I don't know where I'm going, or even entirely what I'm doing. But for here, and now, I hope I'll be all right.

The smell of wolf isn't really that bad at all, once you get used to it.

_end_


End file.
